Mr Darcy Shits his Pants

53 minutes the Satnav said!  Try 2½ hours!!!  I thought it was Easter traffic but as it turns out this was just traffic for Lyme Park.  Traffic really does my head in.

Any road, we eventually got to Lyme Park (another National Trust destination, Ch-Ching, free entry and parking!) and it was pretty rammed but coping well. 

Lyme Park is well known for its Mr Darcy scene from Pride and Prejudice.  Despite wearing a white outfit there wasn’t an inch of duck shit on him as he emerged from the lake, and what few people know is Austen’s editor omitted the part about the severe case of dysentery Darcy picked up from swallowing animal crap in the lake.  As Elizabeth Bennett met Darcy the original story went like:

“As he stood before me his masculine form shimmered, dark hair and firm torso, the thought of his strong embrace made me both shiver and giddy at once.  I heard a duckling queef in the distance, or at least that is what I thought.  The queef was not an oral sound as first thought and this was confirmed by the next audible noise.  The duckling queef was actually a fast expulsion of a tiny amount of air from his anus and you could see from his face that he was trying to restrict this action.  This was shortly followed by a mighty yawp from his bum hole.  His rectal tunnel had become a fast passageway for his liquid feces and his shouting arse had now achieved complete defecation.  His white see-through linen was now coffee stained and he began to cry”

Anny Way (in an Irish accent).... we ambled around the gardens and bumped into Hawko & Family and at 17:00hrs we were ushered out of the gardens by a woman with a bell.

There’s obviously a lot more here so we’ll probably return again in the near future.

"Piggy in the Driving Seat"

"Mr Piggy"

"Spring Piggy"