"She ain't a beard, he's my brother"
My Brother lives in Brighton and everyone knows that that's the Gay Capital of the world. (I've just been reading replies in "Yahoo Answers" to the question, "Is Brighton the Gay Capital of Europe, and if so, Why?", O Jesus!) Any road, like I was saying... He has lived there for some time now and I don't get to see him as often as my other siblings. When my mother was alive he came up to visit after a year or so of being away. She had her suspicions, but being the subtle character she was she didn't approach the subject head on. "I've booked us a table at Funny Girls in Blackpool for when Simon comes to visit", she called to say. Funny Girls being Blackpool's No.1 Transvestite entertainment bar.
I'm pretty sure that being gay does not necessarily mean that you like transvestites, and being a transvestite doesn't mean you're gay. One thing for sure though, women love transvestites and gays, and Simon and I were outnumbered on this visit. (I say "this visit" like I've been more than once, I haven't!). I remember a big tranny sitting on my knee (he must have been 16st at least!) and rubbing my crotch whilst saying to my mother, "Bloody Hell, he's a big boy isn't he?".
Any road, Simon got married, to a woman! And a lovely woman at that. He's definitely done well for himself, I'm pretty sure Thea, his new wife, could have done a lot better!!! (No, I'm joking. She's called Sharon!).
The wedding was in Lurgashall, a lovely little village in West Sussex. They arranged a ceremony on a field where there was singing and readings and no mention of God at all, it pleased me. And then after the ceremony there was fun and games involving a twisty arm thing, a whole variety of moving statues games and some Kung Fu or Samurai thing. Being the photographer I managed to squirm out of the games until Ethan opened his big mouth and suggested we have a sprinting race. Being relatively competitive I slightly relished the thought but I soon realised that this was the relishment of a much younger Michael Baeron. For the wedding I had purchased a cheap pair of red shoes off eBay with soles like shiny kitchen worktops. My legs were too powerful for the shoes and this made me fall to the floor causing an arm of my newly purchased Ben Sherman shirt to nearly rip clean off.
Afterwards we made our way to the village hall and ate Vegan chili made by the lovely Dan Vice, and it was cracking! To be honest, I reckon he only tells people it's vegan and bangs loads of proper meat in instead. It'll have the same effect, eventually someone will say, "Blimey, it tastes like real meat", and then think that they can become vegan too. Sure they'll eat salad for a bit and remain vegan until they tuck in to some Linda McCartney rubbish, and then they'll turn back to being a carnivore. But if you're a chef and playing the game right you'll always have someone in this state of vegan confusion, and hence will never have to touch a salad in your life.
Anyway, here's to my Brother and his new wife (who is a woman!), may they live happily ever after.
I'm pretty sure that being gay does not necessarily mean that you like transvestites, and being a transvestite doesn't mean you're gay. One thing for sure though, women love transvestites and gays, and Simon and I were outnumbered on this visit. (I say "this visit" like I've been more than once, I haven't!). I remember a big tranny sitting on my knee (he must have been 16st at least!) and rubbing my crotch whilst saying to my mother, "Bloody Hell, he's a big boy isn't he?".
Any road, Simon got married, to a woman! And a lovely woman at that. He's definitely done well for himself, I'm pretty sure Thea, his new wife, could have done a lot better!!! (No, I'm joking. She's called Sharon!).
The wedding was in Lurgashall, a lovely little village in West Sussex. They arranged a ceremony on a field where there was singing and readings and no mention of God at all, it pleased me. And then after the ceremony there was fun and games involving a twisty arm thing, a whole variety of moving statues games and some Kung Fu or Samurai thing. Being the photographer I managed to squirm out of the games until Ethan opened his big mouth and suggested we have a sprinting race. Being relatively competitive I slightly relished the thought but I soon realised that this was the relishment of a much younger Michael Baeron. For the wedding I had purchased a cheap pair of red shoes off eBay with soles like shiny kitchen worktops. My legs were too powerful for the shoes and this made me fall to the floor causing an arm of my newly purchased Ben Sherman shirt to nearly rip clean off.
Afterwards we made our way to the village hall and ate Vegan chili made by the lovely Dan Vice, and it was cracking! To be honest, I reckon he only tells people it's vegan and bangs loads of proper meat in instead. It'll have the same effect, eventually someone will say, "Blimey, it tastes like real meat", and then think that they can become vegan too. Sure they'll eat salad for a bit and remain vegan until they tuck in to some Linda McCartney rubbish, and then they'll turn back to being a carnivore. But if you're a chef and playing the game right you'll always have someone in this state of vegan confusion, and hence will never have to touch a salad in your life.
Anyway, here's to my Brother and his new wife (who is a woman!), may they live happily ever after.
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| "Bunster n Chuchy" |
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| "Fee n E" |
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| "Simon n Thea" |
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