Ghosts and Jesus

Ghosts, werewolves, fairies, leprechauns, goblins, loch nesses, Jesus & psychics, they’re all in the same category as far as I’m concerned. Kerry will tell you she doesn't believe in it but she does. She came home the other night with tales of how a ghost called at a work colleagues house or summat and a policeman witnessed it (Policemen don’t lie! (Tell that to the families of the 96 at Hillsborough!!)). And then she concluded her tale with a “Explain that?”. She also believes in psychics, and one in particular who told her her life story long ago and everything she said has come true.

Any road, I’ll come back to that. Piggy is very in tune with his surroundings at the moment, quickly copying words and gesticulations. I think he’s also picked up some of his mothers OCD, he picks stuff up AND puts it back, uses the bin and likes to clean up.

So, given those 2 bits of information I thought it might be slightly spooky, particularly with Halloween on the horizon, if I whisper to Darwin all the names of the dead relatives we have photos of lying about the house whilst she’s not around.  That way, hopefully when she's alone with him, he'll go on a rampage whispering everyone's name who has parted and she'll be freaked out.

On a separate note I read about another miracle of Jesus the other day. I thought about what would happen in a modern day setting, let’s say if for instance Jesus was living in a rented house in Burnley and his landlord had come around for the rent:

‘Knock knock’ (on the door).  The door is answered by Peter.

Landlord:  Alright mate, I’ve come for the rent.

Peter:  Alright Landlord, come in.  JC’s in the living room, he’ll pay the rent.

JC:  What do you think, Simon?  From whom do the kings of the earth collect duty and taxes—from their own children or from others?

Landlord:  Alright mate, are you Jay Zee? I’ve come for the rent.

JC holds his forefinger vertical and extends his arm towards the landlord beckoning him to be silent.

Peter:  Awww, shit Simon, you haven’t let him at the crème de menthe have you? Yeah, yeah JC, from others!  Haven’t we had this conversation before?

JC:  Then the children are exempt.

The landlord looks blank, not even confused, just blank.  Peter looks worried, the landlord is of stout frame.

Jesus was implying that as the son of ....

Landlord :  I don’t give a fuck if you’re the son of God mate, you’re gonna give me my rent.

... God, he is exempt from paying God's tax.

JC:  But so that we may not cause offense...

Landlord:  You’re not causing offense mate, but if you don’t pay the rent I’ll be causing offense to your face.

JC:  Go to the lake and throw out your line. Take the first fish you catch; open its mouth and you will find a four drachma coin.

Peter:  Who, me?

JC:  Yes you Peter.  Take it and give it to them for my tax and yours.

The landlord swiftly punches JC on the chin and he falls to the ground unconscious and ungraceful.  The landlord feels into the pockets of JC’s tunic unafraid of touching his penis through the thin linen and removes a 4 drachma coin.

The landlord then kicks JC in his semi-conscious stomach and says:

Landlord:  It’s 400 quid yer prick, I’ll be back tomorrow.

Peter:  I told you you should leave that shit for the mount and the lepers JC.

"The next day didn't end any better either, see above"