The Dentists

I used to have a fear of Dentists but I really don't mind them at all now, and I remember the exact moment when I got over my fear.

My first ever trip to the dentist, I think I was 8, resulted in me having 6 teeth extracted under gas.  It was 'trippy' to say the least.  I remember a constant vision of red decreasing circles and I could hear myself screaming, and immediately afterwards I was dropped off at school for a Christmas party.  And then during the Gulf War I had to have root canal treatment in a tent in the desert, by a US marine.

After I left the Army I gave the dentist a little break.  Unsurprisingly, several years later I developed excruciating pain in one of my teeth.  I tried to delay any visit to a dentist by taking the strongest pain killers I could get my hands on but the inevitable came.  I needed a dentist right now!  So I rang the NHS helpline and they sent me to a dentist in Blackburn.  The dentist was housed in a wooded shed like hut near high rise flats and it was absolutely devoid of customers, in hind sight I'm not surprised.

"So what can I do for you?” asked the dentist.  I got the impression that he was slightly annoyed with my presence.  His assistant was a bit of a dolly bird and he was constantly flirting with her, he even pinched her bum whilst I was in the room.  "I have a terrible pain in my tooth and I want it to stop" I said.

Despite the pain I was expecting a more modern day response than the one he gave.  "Right, I'll just rip it out have I?”  I didn't like his use of the word 'rip' and the solution he gave was before he had even looked at the tooth.  "Do you still do that kind of thing?" I asked.  "Is there no way it can be saved?”  "Possibly" he replied.   I quizzed him, "If it was your tooth what would you do?”  "I'd definitely keep it" he answered.  "Well I'd like to keep it if possible" I stated.

Now, sometimes I am guilty of embellishing some of my stories for comic effect but what he said to me next is no word of a lie.  Word for word he said, "Well if you want to keep it I'd suggest going to a real dentist".

'Fuck me!' I thought.  Where the hell was I?  I asked the dentist, man, if he could prescribe me the strongest pain killers and antibiotics that he was allowed to and I went on my way.

That wasn't the incident that cured me of my fears, that went a long way to reinforcing my fears.  I then went to a private dentist who promised me that he could do work that would enable me to keep the tooth.  However, not only would I need root canal work for the painful tooth, I would also need a root canal on a nearby tooth.  "Just get it done", I apprehensively instructed.

The incident that cured me of my fears was when I received the bill for both root canals.  £650, each!!!  £1300.  FUCK.....ME!  I have since joined an NHS dentist and treasure every visit.

One thing though, I do find that dental receptionists are a bunch of miserable bastards.

"Happily Paying £18.50 for a Check Up"

"Mr Baeron?"