Teresa

As I began my final year of school I started getting physically strong quickly.  By this time I was enquiring about joining the Army and they told me that I would have to be able to run a mile and a half in less than 12 minutes and do 5 un-assisted pull ups.  I wasn’t even sure if I could run a mile and a half so I started training.

The attic entrance was in my bedroom at home and until now I was neither tall nor strong enough to get in it.  I don’t think I had ever been in any attic in my life at this point and luckily for me the attic was floored.  It was full of things I had never seen before, boxes of old tat, cine films and official documents, I had a good old mooch about.

Up until now I hadn’t been fully aware of my situation.  Sandra had murmured something which I hadn’t understood and she consequently got reprimanded for it, the name Teresa had been mentioned every now but I hadn’t a clue what relevance it had and a small conversation during Magnum PI had taken place which I hadn’t taken much notice of.  But now I was reading a solicitors letter that told me that my dad had been married before, he had 2 children, Sarah & I, and that his first wife (my mother) had got re-married to a guy named “Topping”.  I felt both relief and fear knowing this, but mainly relief.

I wasn’t too sure what to do with the information.  I asked my best friend whether he knew anyone called Sarah Topping and he didn’t, so I was unsure where to go.  This was way before Facebook and the Internet and as far as I knew she could have been anywhere in the world.  Cilla Black had just started hosting “Surprise Surprise” so maybe in the future I could be on that.  I decided to keep the information to myself realising that any attempt to find her simply by asking people I knew was futile.

My best mate often got told by girls that he looked liked Suggs.  I didn’t see it myself and I couldn’t understand why girls got so coy and giddy when they told him.  He was confident and fun too, and at ease with girls, I was a mess.  I wore scruffy clothes, had no sense of style and to be honest, was a little afraid of the opposite sex.  One night we got talking to 3 girls on a play park who were all, as we would say back then, “pretty fit”.  I did the normal things to impress them, tried to pull a wheelie on my bike, swung really high on the swings and rode my bike again, “no handed”.  I couldn’t understand why I wasn’t in bed with all 3 of them after them little stunts!  Anyway, a dreadful time was approaching, 9pm.  This was the very latest I could ever stay out and my peers knew this.  They could all stay out until 10pm and beyond and it appeared the girls could too!  Fuck!  To strengthen their social position my mates could use this against me.  The kid who has to go to bed early, I may as well shit my pants here and now!  Instead I would beat them to it, coolly I said, “Right, I’m shooting off”.  Rick knew the score, he was my best mate and he looked out for me, “Alright mate, see you tomorrow”, he said.  The other lad we were with said, “O that’s right, you’ve gotta be in bed by 9 haven’t you?”  “Fuck off dickhead”, I retorted.

I took a cursory glance at my watch, 7 minutes to 9!  Shitttttt!  I knew how long it took me to get home from here and it took me 7 minutes, and I was fully aware of the penalties for not getting home on time.  As I began to turn the pedals, for some inexplicable reason I stopped and asked, “Do you know anyone called Sarah Topping?”  This was literally the second person I had asked.  One girl replied, “Yeah?”.  “Shit!” I thought once again.  “What’s her mums name?” I asked. “Dunno, why?” she quizzed.  I didn’t have time for this, I wasn’t Bradley Wiggins, “It doesn’t matter” I said, and shot off into the night.

On the 7^th September 1985 I went to the Army careers office and signed up to join.  I felt excited.  I had Rambo fever and rushed round to Ricks to tell him what I had done, he was joining the Army too.  “I bumped into them birds last night”, he said, “they’ve got a letter for you”.

Fuck Yes!  He might have looked like Suggs but he couldn’t jump off a swing further than me.  It was my time now.  The wheelies, the high swinging, the spitting, it had all been worthwhile.  Before the night is out I’ll have one sat on my face, the other on my cock and the other one will be frigging herself off watching!  I was getting excited, and in hind sight possibly a little too excited.

That night we rode down to where we met them last.  Once we were in sight all 3 came running over and I could see one of them holding a letter.  It probably simply contained a drawing of what they wanted me to do to them, they were absolutely gagging for it, or at least I thought.

“We’ve got a letter for you”, one of them said excitedly, “it’s from Sarah!”.

My life paused momentarily.  Sarah?  What the?  Sarah Topping?  All thoughts of foursomes were now long gone.  Sarah?  “Who’s Sarah?” asked Rick.  Another girl asked something else but I wasn’t listening.  Sarah?  I took the letter and went away from the group to read it, it said, “If you are who I think you are ring this number”.

Fuck-King Hell!  I couldn’t believe it.  I borrowed 10p from Rick, went to the nearest telephone box and dialled the number, my heart was going mental.  We spoke and agreed to meet that night at the duck pond on Worden Park, Leyland.  I still didn’t know where she lived and unbeknown to me I was ringing her from just around the corner from her house.

Rick was pestering me for answers but I didn’t dare tell him.  “I’ve got to shoot off”, I said.  “Where are you going?” he asked excitedly.  “I can’t tell you mate”, I replied still confused at everything.  “Right I’m just gonna follow you”, he said.  This wouldn’t have been a problem with some of my other mates because I could have out sprinted them on my bike but Rick was probably faster than me, plus he had a 10 speed bike, mine was only 5 speed, or at least that was my excuse.  I gave in, “She’s a long lost cousin”, I lied.  “You can come but you’ve got to stay out of sight, and I mean it”.

At the duck pond I waited anxiously, Rick sat on a bench watching from afar, and then a girl rode up on a bike.  What do you say to your sister who you’ve never consciously met after 15 years?  I chose to say, “It’s been a long time”, which it had, but she still takes the piss out of me to this day for saying that.  We talked for a bit, can’t really remember what about, but I remember thinking how wonderful and lovely she was.  We then decided to go to Worden Hall and sit and talk there for a while, as we did Rick rode by like some solitary cycling weirdo.

I hadn’t even thought about my mother at this point and then the thought popped into my head.  “Do you think mum would want to see me?” I asked.  “Yes definitely”, Sarah said, “she was slightly concerned that you wouldn’t want to see her”.  I couldn’t understand.  Why on earth would I not want to see her?

The whole Teresa thing had been shrouded in mystery through my life but Sarah had been told the truth from the start.  My mother had been a bit naughty when she was married to my dad, in fact she had been naughty 6 times, but she wasn’t married to me!  In those days court decisions over custody were favoured towards the victims of divorce, in this case my dad, and the court had ruled that my dad should have 100% custody of me and 50% custody of Sarah.  I wasn’t bitter at all about the divorce and in no way did I think she had done any wrong to me.  Of course I wanted to see her.

I was conscious of the time but on this rare occasion I was happy to accept the consequences.  I didn’t really care if I was late home, “ground me for the week” I thought, at this moment in time I didn’t care.

We rode towards Sarahs house and when we got there we walked inside.  I really didn’t know what to expect.  My mother was upstairs putting Emma to bed and Sarah shouted, “I’m home Mum.  I’ve brought someone to see you”.  I sat in the living room and met Simon, the brother I didn’t know I had.  He was watching Dempsey & Makepeace and we didn’t talk much.  I did comment, “She’s a bit fit int she?”, referring to Glynis Barber and he smiled.

I then heard someone coming down the stairs 2 at a time.  The door opened and there stood my mother.  She was beautiful, she was smiling and she was radiating happiness.  “Come here”, she said, and as I walked out of the door she grabbed me and we hugged.  She cried, I cried.  She smelled wonderful.  She felt warm.  She loved me, I knew it instantly.

My whole perception of what a mother was like changed in an instant.  I had always thought that mothers were fat and ugly, bad tempered and something to fear, not the complete opposite.  And this whole “love” thing, I had never experienced it.

I don’t remember how long I stayed for or what we talked about but I will never forget that hug.  It changed me.

I was at least half an hour late getting home that night but for once in my life I didn’t care.  As I got near home I rubbed my hands on the chain of my bike in preparation of the lie I was about to tell explaining why I was late, but much to my relief my parents car wasn’t there, they were out at Bingo!

We met again the following day and my life got far more beautiful from that point on.

"Teresa, my Mother"

"The Duck Pond at Worden Park"

"Glynis Barber"