Hmmm, Stick it up my Ass

"You must have some memories of this place", someone said quizzically.  It felt like I was being asked to recall the antics of a dead friend, I suppose I was.  And don't get me wrong, in no way am I being gloomy here, my memories of most things are all good and this is no exception.

Many years ago I was asked to go to Munich on a business trip.  I had already been in Germany for a week and then I got a call asking if I could stay out an extra week.  Management were flying out on Sunday and they wanted me to be around.  The weekend in between I was going to Frankfurt to meet up with Jade so as long as they arranged the flights back I didn’t mind.  [1]

The weekend in Frankfurt ended up being a mental one with copious amounts of drink, starting from early in the morning and continuing to early in the morning.  The evening I returned to Munich I was in no mood for meeting up with new people from work, so I crept into the hotel, ran past the bar and straight into my room. 

The following morning I met my colleagues at the breakfast table and I noticed from their room keys that they were in the rooms next door to me in the hotel.  I began to lie jokingly, “I don’t know who’s in the hotel room next door to me but they kept me up half the night with loud porn.  It was mental.  All I could hear was, “hmmm, stick it up my ass”, “ficken this” and “ficken that” and at one point I’m sure I heard farm animals!”.  My idea was to continue ridiculous stories every day until one night in the bar later that week I would reveal my room number to them and then we’d all know that one of the management team was in the room next door.  However, straight after breakfast I needed to go to my room to get something, as did the guy who was in the room next to me.  As we inserted keys into our doors simultaneously his face dropped and he rushed over shocked and apologetic, “I’m really sorry about that last night I didn’t realise I had it on so loud”.  I was dying to laugh but I simply said, “it’s OK mate your secret is safe with me”.  Of course it wasn’t and I’ve told that story to everyone who knows him, and some who don’t.

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[1] The only flights that could be arranged were business class seats, so I really didn’t mind!

"Kay Parker. Such classics include 'Fire in the hole', 'Nasty nurses' & "Too hot to touch'"