The Local Offy/Butty Shop
Our local shop is very much a butty shop than anything else. Go in on any morning and you'll find a considerable queue of folk waiting for bacon butties. And God help you if you're just bobbing in for a pint of milk or summat, Mary prioritises the orders on a first come first serve basis, so if there are 6 people in front of you waiting for bacon butties and it takes 5 minutes to make a bacon butty, expect to be waiting 30 minutes before you get served.
But it's always interesting spending time in the shop, there are a lot of queer folk around our village, and a lot of em like their alcohol. Sure, I quite like a drink now and then, but watermelon vodka priced at £1.89 per litre before 11 in the morning and being bought whilst still in my pyjamas? And buying a 4 pack of Special Brew, again before 11a.m., and drinking a can as you walk to your destination? You can tell that the bargain cider is in fashion at the moment because the posh stuff, your Woodpeckers and Strongbow, are on the top shelf and look like they've been there for about 6 years, and all the bargain stuff is sold out.
And mothers with children that stamp on Mars Bars and smash chairs into shelves, reprimanding them by proxy by saying to me, "He's a cheeky monkey". "Cheeky Monkey?", I think, "he needs that Mars Bar ramming up his arse and beating with the chair. O, and you need to pay for the Mars Bar", I think even quieter.
But it's always interesting spending time in the shop, there are a lot of queer folk around our village, and a lot of em like their alcohol. Sure, I quite like a drink now and then, but watermelon vodka priced at £1.89 per litre before 11 in the morning and being bought whilst still in my pyjamas? And buying a 4 pack of Special Brew, again before 11a.m., and drinking a can as you walk to your destination? You can tell that the bargain cider is in fashion at the moment because the posh stuff, your Woodpeckers and Strongbow, are on the top shelf and look like they've been there for about 6 years, and all the bargain stuff is sold out.
And mothers with children that stamp on Mars Bars and smash chairs into shelves, reprimanding them by proxy by saying to me, "He's a cheeky monkey". "Cheeky Monkey?", I think, "he needs that Mars Bar ramming up his arse and beating with the chair. O, and you need to pay for the Mars Bar", I think even quieter.
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| "The Local Shop" |
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