The Muffin
My compassion for children is far greater than it ever has been. I say that but I mainly mean compassion for my child, of which I've only had one for about 9 months. But it does stretch to other children too, particularly if it's a compassionate story or something and I don't have to meet them face to face or be involved in the situation. I'm waffling.
On the way home last night I got a call from Kerry saying that Darwin had fallen and bitten his tongue, and there was an ambulance on it's way! An ambulance??? Kerry had phoned 111 who inquired how the accident had happened and they were treating this as a head injury. When I got home Darwin was nearly oblivious to what had happened and was slapping my face and happy as normal. There was a cut to his tongue though and I imagined the ambulance folk would check for signs of concussion and an over swollen tongue, and if these weren't a concern they would be on their way. Half an hour later the NHS must have realised that they didn't have any ambulances and rang to ask us to take him to Blackburn A&E.
Blackburn hospital is a proper shit hole, and I choose those words carefully. The entrances smell like a thousand cigarettes and are adorned (I say sarcastically) with pyjama wearing zombies smoking the afore-mentioned cigarettes. The A&E department is much worse and it has a children's area that is no better. The waiting room was filled with parents with limping, vomiting and disease ridden children with dirty toys scattered about in an environment that looked like it hadn't been cleaned since Florence Nightingale was about. We were seen relatively quickly and given a pre-assessment of the situation. Thankfully the nurse indicated that she didn't think there was anything that could be done but if we wanted to wait and see the doctor it would only take about another 4 hours. I imagined that if we stayed here any longer we would all be far worse off than when we entered the hospital and it would be no surprise if we all woke up in the morning with Green Monkey Fever, Ebola Virus Disease and the Plague. We therefore made our way home.
I bobbed out to the chippy (which is also a Chinese takeaway, Ross Chippy in Waterfoot to be exact) so that Kerry and I could eat conveniently. She only wanted a chip muffin but I was contemplating on getting a big Chinese meal. The shop was staffed by 1 Chineselady woman!
Me (entering the shop): Hello.
Her: Yes? (without any greeting)
Me: Can I have a chip muffin and...
Her: We have no muffin. (she said sternly)
Me: O right. (I looked at the menu and saw she sold muffins as well as sliced buttered bread) Do you have any bread?
Her: (She sighed) I've already told you we have no muffin.
I wasn't having this. It felt like I had just been to hell and back and was in no mood for anyone being anything other than polite and nice with me.
Me: (Raising my voice ever so subtly) Yes, and I heard that, but I have just asked if you have any bread. Are you trying to communicate to me that you have no bread products?
Her: (She nodded)
Me: And it isn't muffin it's muffins, unless you're about to tell me you only ever have 1 in stock per day. I'll have a portion of chips and Cheese and Onion pie with chips and gravy please.
There was no way I was risking having anything cooked out of sight at this point, sod the Chinese meal!
Darwin woke through the night but we chilled out to Baby TV and he was back to his old self in the morning. The chips were shit!
On the way home last night I got a call from Kerry saying that Darwin had fallen and bitten his tongue, and there was an ambulance on it's way! An ambulance??? Kerry had phoned 111 who inquired how the accident had happened and they were treating this as a head injury. When I got home Darwin was nearly oblivious to what had happened and was slapping my face and happy as normal. There was a cut to his tongue though and I imagined the ambulance folk would check for signs of concussion and an over swollen tongue, and if these weren't a concern they would be on their way. Half an hour later the NHS must have realised that they didn't have any ambulances and rang to ask us to take him to Blackburn A&E.
Blackburn hospital is a proper shit hole, and I choose those words carefully. The entrances smell like a thousand cigarettes and are adorned (I say sarcastically) with pyjama wearing zombies smoking the afore-mentioned cigarettes. The A&E department is much worse and it has a children's area that is no better. The waiting room was filled with parents with limping, vomiting and disease ridden children with dirty toys scattered about in an environment that looked like it hadn't been cleaned since Florence Nightingale was about. We were seen relatively quickly and given a pre-assessment of the situation. Thankfully the nurse indicated that she didn't think there was anything that could be done but if we wanted to wait and see the doctor it would only take about another 4 hours. I imagined that if we stayed here any longer we would all be far worse off than when we entered the hospital and it would be no surprise if we all woke up in the morning with Green Monkey Fever, Ebola Virus Disease and the Plague. We therefore made our way home.
I bobbed out to the chippy (which is also a Chinese takeaway, Ross Chippy in Waterfoot to be exact) so that Kerry and I could eat conveniently. She only wanted a chip muffin but I was contemplating on getting a big Chinese meal. The shop was staffed by 1 Chinese
Me (entering the shop): Hello.
Her: Yes? (without any greeting)
Me: Can I have a chip muffin and...
Her: We have no muffin. (she said sternly)
Me: O right. (I looked at the menu and saw she sold muffins as well as sliced buttered bread) Do you have any bread?
Her: (She sighed) I've already told you we have no muffin.
I wasn't having this. It felt like I had just been to hell and back and was in no mood for anyone being anything other than polite and nice with me.
Me: (Raising my voice ever so subtly) Yes, and I heard that, but I have just asked if you have any bread. Are you trying to communicate to me that you have no bread products?
Her: (She nodded)
Me: And it isn't muffin it's muffins, unless you're about to tell me you only ever have 1 in stock per day. I'll have a portion of chips and Cheese and Onion pie with chips and gravy please.
There was no way I was risking having anything cooked out of sight at this point, sod the Chinese meal!
Darwin woke through the night but we chilled out to Baby TV and he was back to his old self in the morning. The chips were shit!
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| "Cheeky Chinese Woman (courtesy of Google Images) |
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