Fucking Rod Stewart!

I’ve got my own 5 a-side pitch now and you can see it from space, I feel like fucking Rod Stewart! (That ‘fucking’ isn’t a verb, I think it’s an adjective). 

 I say 5 a-side pitch, it’s a mowed bit of lawn at the top of our field, but a nicely mowed bit. My neighbour mows his lawn about 3 times a day and I’ve never understood what the fuss was about, until now! I love mowing the lawn now, and I like cutting Darwin’s hair, it’s the same thing isn’t it? I often take a photo of Darwin after he’s had a lovely haircut cut and I do that because he looks smart and tidy. It’s the same with grass and it’s taken me nearly 50 years to realise it. 

And there’s lawnmowers too! The lawnmower I usually use, a self-propelled MacAllister (but I believe it has a Mountfield engine) started leaking petrol all over the shop. “Why don’t we get an electric one?” Kerry asked. So I did a bit of research and quickly came to the conclusion that that was a bad idea, mainly because it would be about £700 to get one decent enough to do the job I wanted it to do, plus I could get like the Bugatti Veyron of petrol lawnmowers for half the price. And then I had a look on Youtube. Now I’ve never been good with engines, there’s very little difference between them and the deep sea alien life on the Jupiter moon Europa as far as my knowledge is concerned, but now Youtube is about… well! So I bought a new carburettor (I think that’s the first time I’ve ever written that word!) and replaced the one on the lawnmower. I also did a complete oil change and sharpened the blade and now it runs a treat. And I didn’t stop there. There was also a Briggs and Stratton mower in the workshop that didn’t run. With that I stripped the carburettor (holy fuck, look at me talking!), cleaned it, removed the tank, flushed it out banged it together again and it also runs like a dream. 

 Now I feel like fucking Guy Martin! (That’s also not a verb!).

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