People who Complain About Swearing are a Proper Bunch of Cunts

I haven’t got over the whole ‘bum’ & ‘anus’ Lancaster University incident yet have I?

The other day Darwin asked for one of our regular tournaments of rock paper scissors. He has been getting more intelligent with the game so I’m having to change my tact a little. Until now he would by default choose what he sees as the most powerful choice, rock, and so my paper response would always win. Only this time when I produced rock he produced a middle finger followed by a minute’s laughter from the pair of us. And we all know that ultimately the middle finger always wins rock paper scissors, and quite rightly so.

He enjoys swearing and after I reprimand him for it he asks me why it’s wrong. Beyond ‘some people get offended by it’ I can’t explain to him why it is wrong. There’s the whole blasphemous reasoning, where you might be belittling a deity by taking its name in vain, showing disrespect to the deity or its followers. But I’m a passionate Atheist and as such I do have disdain for deities and their followers, so ‘taking their name in vain’ is nothing in comparison to the natural contempt I feel to any deity or follower. AND, whenever I do make a blaspheme it’s only towards the religion that tried to indoctrinate me in the first place. I never say ‘Muḥammad ibn Abdullāh’ (I used the internet to research this and I presume that’s his full name. There are a load of Google images of Muhammad, not many images of Allah though. I bet Google has a right royal time sifting through the results of Google images and deleting any pictures of Allah. I wonder if they employ someone specifically for this?) but I do say ‘Jesus Christ!’ (Jesus didn’t have a surname apparently!).

“But it’s just a word!” Darwin argues, and he’s right. Granted some words are pejorative and simply racist, giving the user of them a superiority complex and they shouldn’t be used. Hopefully in many years to come the N-Word will develop a whole new meaning and people will be using it ubiquitously like some people use the word ‘mate’. But your shits, fucks, cunts, twats, bollocks and bastards, they’re all fair game surely?

Obviously whenever someone repeatedly uses or misuses any word it becomes annoying. I do it from time to time. I find that if I use the word symbiosis once during the week I’ll use it another 5 times, and I recognise that it makes me sound like a dick with a fancy word. Same with swearing, but repeated swearing may bring with it an extra understanding of a swearer’s emotion. If someone is effing and jeffing like mad it might be an indication that they’re angry, or it might mean they’re completely comfortable with all that surrounds them. My repeated symbiosis use doesn’t say anything about me other than I can’t find my thesaurus.

And swears are often misused, there must be some sort of science to it that incorporates the parameters of both use and appropriateness to calculate it. “Get out of my fucking way” shows that you’re in a rush or fed up with people stopping to chat in doorways, or like with those fuckwits that park right outside the post office despite there being ample places to park that doesn’t involve you holding up all the traffic in the fucking morning!!! “Get out of my shitting way” doesn’t work, unless you’re doing a shit that is! That’s an example of the incorrect usage of a swear. When I was 10 and accidently dropped a dinner plate in the kitchen my step mother called me a ‘fucking cunt’, that’s an inappropriate usage of a swear. That’s like when the North Koreans assassinated one of its generals for sleeping on duty with a 4 barrelled anti-aircraft gun. A simple ‘daft bugger’ would have been more appropriate (for me, not the general! He should have been sent to HR or something!).

And if you’re one of these people that doesn’t swear much you have an extremely powerful weapon at your deposal. My casual but calculated swearing doesn’t carry as much weight as someone who very rarely swears. I remember hearing a posh and educated colleague swear for the first time after knowing him for a year and it nearly made me cry.

So, in conclusion we should all chill out a bit about rude words. They’re a wonderful addition to our vocabulary and they are not a problem. The main problem is anyone who has an issue with them, cunts!