Shot a Lesbian?

May 31, 2016

Shot a Lesbian?

Kerry was away on her Hen Do this weekend so Piggy, Grandad Pete & I had the weekend to ourselves. Coincidentally the local village gala was on so we mooched on down there.
It all kicked off with a brass band marching through the village being led by a town cryer. It was all very English. Darwin had taken his plastic penny whistle with him so he joined in. I would have had a little play on the whistle myself had I not witnessed him pushing it firmly into his buttocks that very morning.

We followed the band as they made their way to a local field and Darwin made a bee line straight for the massive inflatable bouncy castle. He lasted 60 seconds complaining that it was too bouncy. Instead we made our way to the ‘hook a duck’ stall. I still remember the sense of achievement when I first hooked my first duck, I felt an amazing feeling of self-pride, and maybe I’m simple! Any road, if I’m simple so is Piggy, because his face lit up as he shouted “I’ve hooked one Daddy, I’ve hooked one”. We got to pick a prize and Piggy chose a gun.

I remember my prize of choice used to either be a walking stick of rock or a bow and arrow. I remember one year modifying my bow to make it more powerful and sharpening the arrow with a pen knife. We used to play with a girl from the other side of the woods, name withheld! It’s funny that I use that term now, “the other side of the woods”, because it would be no surprise to learn that she was a lesbian now. She looked quite manly, even at the age of 12, and she was rock hard. (I’ve just looked her up on Facebook. It does say that she is married and it looks like she has children, but I don’t know if she’s married to a man. And I’m not judging here, I’m just painting a picture. It still does look like she would be a hardest person in a woman’s jail though, maybe a man’s jail too!). There were all sorts of rumours that she had battered all manner of hard men from around the area and none of us wanted to be on that rumour list. However, one day she was getting involved with our play but she didn’t have a weapon of any description (apart from her fists that is!). I think we were playing Cowboys and Indians but whatever it was I ended up shooting her with my newly sharpened arrow and powerful bow. The arrow penetrated her abdomen and stuck there, and then blood presented itself and she began to cry. I did feel a mixture of awfulness, surprise and whatever feeling David had when he slayed Goliath.

We spent a few hours at the gala watching kids run up mountains, talking to someone about the forthcoming Sheepfest and eating chips, as well as playing with the fire brigade and eating candy floss.