Naked With a Hammer
When I was 25 I got a flat in a complex called The Martindales in Clayton le Woods. I think I lived at No. 89. It was the first time I’d lived alone and I was quite excited. I think ‘Clive’, the man who used to dance in his underpants on ‘Hitman and Her’ used to live there. A number of friends also lived there so we had quite a social time. Sure there were some un-desirables in the complex but mostly it was a nice place.
When I moved in my next door neighbours were an old couple. She looked like she was about 90 but I expect she was only 50, they were nice enough and kept themselves to themselves. After a couple of years they moved out and were replaced with a couple of young lads, brothers I think. Occasionally they would play extremely loud music, hardcore the kids of the day called it and it used to make me very angry. I went round to see them shortly after they moved in and said “That’s a bit mental lads, how about turning it down a bit?” and to be fair they did.
But the peace was constantly broken with crazy volumes and I found myself becoming more intolerant as the days went by. One Saturday night I was rudely awoken at about 3am by extremely loud music. I wanted the music to stop NOW, and no matter what I had to do I was intent on achieving my goal. They was no pre-thought to what I did next, my instincts took over. I got out of bed completely naked, grabbed a hammer, walked out of the flat and used the hammer to knock on their door. The door was answered by both brothers. I stared them both in the eyes and paused for a moment, and then I said, “This f*ckin stops now”. I maintained my stare. “Do you both agree?”. They sheepishly apologised and the music stopped.
Afterwards I analysed the situation and I think the only thing that would have made it more menacing was if I was fully aroused.
When I moved in my next door neighbours were an old couple. She looked like she was about 90 but I expect she was only 50, they were nice enough and kept themselves to themselves. After a couple of years they moved out and were replaced with a couple of young lads, brothers I think. Occasionally they would play extremely loud music, hardcore the kids of the day called it and it used to make me very angry. I went round to see them shortly after they moved in and said “That’s a bit mental lads, how about turning it down a bit?” and to be fair they did.
But the peace was constantly broken with crazy volumes and I found myself becoming more intolerant as the days went by. One Saturday night I was rudely awoken at about 3am by extremely loud music. I wanted the music to stop NOW, and no matter what I had to do I was intent on achieving my goal. They was no pre-thought to what I did next, my instincts took over. I got out of bed completely naked, grabbed a hammer, walked out of the flat and used the hammer to knock on their door. The door was answered by both brothers. I stared them both in the eyes and paused for a moment, and then I said, “This f*ckin stops now”. I maintained my stare. “Do you both agree?”. They sheepishly apologised and the music stopped.
Afterwards I analysed the situation and I think the only thing that would have made it more menacing was if I was fully aroused.
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| "Inside the Martindales" |
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| "Clive the Underpant Dancer" |
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