Mr Darcy Shits his Pants
53 minutes the Satnav said!
Try 2½ hours!!! I thought it was
Easter traffic but as it turns out this was just traffic for Lyme Park. Traffic really does my head in.
Any road, we eventually got to Lyme Park (another National
Trust destination, Ch-Ching, free entry and parking!) and it was pretty rammed
but coping well.
Lyme Park is well known for its Mr Darcy scene from Pride
and Prejudice. Despite wearing a white
outfit there wasn’t an inch of duck shit on him as he emerged from the lake,
and what few people know is Austen’s editor omitted the part about the severe
case of dysentery Darcy picked up from swallowing animal crap in the lake. As Elizabeth Bennett met Darcy the original
story went like:
“As he stood before me his masculine form shimmered, dark
hair and firm torso, the thought of his strong embrace made me both shiver and giddy
at once. I heard a duckling queef in the
distance, or at least that is what I thought.
The queef was not an oral sound as first thought and this was confirmed
by the next audible noise. The duckling
queef was actually a fast expulsion of a tiny amount of air from his anus and you
could see from his face that he was trying to restrict this action. This was shortly followed by a mighty yawp
from his bum hole. His rectal tunnel had
become a fast passageway for his liquid feces and his shouting arse had now
achieved complete defecation. His white
see-through linen was now coffee stained and he began to cry”
Anny Way (in an Irish accent).... we ambled around the
gardens and bumped into Hawko & Family and at 17:00hrs we were ushered out
of the gardens by a woman with a bell.
There’s obviously a lot more here so we’ll probably return
again in the near future.
"Piggy in the Driving Seat" |
"Mr Piggy" |
"Spring Piggy" |
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