PPI Collectors and Other Scum
I received a call on my mobile an hour ago from a young man. He immediately started telling me that I was entitled to PPI and then went on to proudly announce that only last week he had managed to negotiate a settlement of £25,000 for a 72 year old lady. "That's brilliant", I said, "how much commission do you make on that?". "Any where between 20 & 30%", the young man said. "So, in effect, you've just made £6K or so from an elderly lady by filling in a form? Do you not feel guilty? Do you not feel like you've stolen money from a potentially vulnerable woman?". He didn't feel guilty and I went on to explain to him how bad he is for society etc.
Whilst talking to him it reminded me of the shortest employment I ever had. In the weeks leading up to leaving the army I applied for many jobs and secured myself an interview for a job selling Kirby vacuum cleaners. The chap who interviewed me was dripping in gold. He had a knuckle buster type ring made out of gold and it spelled his name, GED. He was like MR. T in a suit. At the end of the interview Ged said, "I've been doing interviews for more than 20 years now and I've dreamed of coming across a candidate like you. You're the best and I'd like to offer you the job now". "Fucking Hell", I thought, "I've proper landed on my feet here". I negotiated a start date and spent my final weeks in the Army explaining to the lads how quickly I was going to become rich.
I turned up on the first day along with 20 other people. I got talking to one lad prior to starting the day and he privately told me that the guy who interviewed him had told him that in the 20 years he had been doing interviews he had never come across anyone more suited to this job! I didn't burst his bubble in the same way he burst mine!
We sat in a room to watch an inspirational video about Kirby. A little fat fella was showing us his house, swimming pool, Ferrari, gold jewelry and beautiful bikini clad wife and telling us that we could have this too. I remember thinking all the time, who is this twat and what is he so insecure about that he has to fill his life with such materialistic replacements? And there's no way in the world that a Heather Locklear lookalike is gonna fall for such a prick like you!
Next door to the room I was in was a gaggle of salesmen. They were chanting loud, "Kirby, Ra, Ra, Kirby, Ra, Ra, Kirby, Ra, Ra, Kirby, Ra, Ra, Kirby, Ra, Ra,".
Kirby only sell their vacuum cleaners door to door and the next stage of the training was to learn about the demonstration. A man from Kirby prefaced the training by saying, "if you start to feel this job isn't for you simply raise your hand and you can go home. Don't start to bring others down with you."
The trainer began by saying they take off the hoover bag and replace the bag with black cloth, this shows the dirt a lot easier. You then vacuum down the back of their couch and obviously get lots of dust. You act a little shocked and tell the owner that this is the worst you've seen in any demo you have done. At this point you can sign them up to the easy payment plan for the hoover which cost more that £1,500.
At this point I had truly had enough. I had been in the job 50 minutes and was proud to be the first one to leave.
Whilst talking to him it reminded me of the shortest employment I ever had. In the weeks leading up to leaving the army I applied for many jobs and secured myself an interview for a job selling Kirby vacuum cleaners. The chap who interviewed me was dripping in gold. He had a knuckle buster type ring made out of gold and it spelled his name, GED. He was like MR. T in a suit. At the end of the interview Ged said, "I've been doing interviews for more than 20 years now and I've dreamed of coming across a candidate like you. You're the best and I'd like to offer you the job now". "Fucking Hell", I thought, "I've proper landed on my feet here". I negotiated a start date and spent my final weeks in the Army explaining to the lads how quickly I was going to become rich.
I turned up on the first day along with 20 other people. I got talking to one lad prior to starting the day and he privately told me that the guy who interviewed him had told him that in the 20 years he had been doing interviews he had never come across anyone more suited to this job! I didn't burst his bubble in the same way he burst mine!
We sat in a room to watch an inspirational video about Kirby. A little fat fella was showing us his house, swimming pool, Ferrari, gold jewelry and beautiful bikini clad wife and telling us that we could have this too. I remember thinking all the time, who is this twat and what is he so insecure about that he has to fill his life with such materialistic replacements? And there's no way in the world that a Heather Locklear lookalike is gonna fall for such a prick like you!
Next door to the room I was in was a gaggle of salesmen. They were chanting loud, "Kirby, Ra, Ra, Kirby, Ra, Ra, Kirby, Ra, Ra, Kirby, Ra, Ra, Kirby, Ra, Ra,".
Kirby only sell their vacuum cleaners door to door and the next stage of the training was to learn about the demonstration. A man from Kirby prefaced the training by saying, "if you start to feel this job isn't for you simply raise your hand and you can go home. Don't start to bring others down with you."
The trainer began by saying they take off the hoover bag and replace the bag with black cloth, this shows the dirt a lot easier. You then vacuum down the back of their couch and obviously get lots of dust. You act a little shocked and tell the owner that this is the worst you've seen in any demo you have done. At this point you can sign them up to the easy payment plan for the hoover which cost more that £1,500.
At this point I had truly had enough. I had been in the job 50 minutes and was proud to be the first one to leave.
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| "You're the man for the job, Sucker" |
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