Christmas Outing

Most years I go walking during the Christmas period.  This year it was just me and DSon and we set off reasonably late and without breakfast.  We didn't bother going up to the lakes, we went to Ingleton to do the Falls walk, after breakfast obviously.

We sat in a cavers and climbing shop where they refused to use any form of heating.  One table was full of climbing types, all sat in big coats.  They talked in detail about rope and recounted tales of what in their heads must have been the north face of the Eiger.  One young couple had 3 small dogs and told stories about them as if they were children.  I was getting excited because the main reason (other than getting breakfast!) for coming in the cafe was so that Danny could have a poo, a poo that he had been wanting to have since 06:00hrs that morning.  The door between them and Danny's gaseous anus was thin and this would surely end their conversations.  Unfortunately Danny couldn't go.

We meandered around the falls talking shit all the way round.  Danny is due to have his first child next May, a girl he's just found out!  We spoke of potential names, obviously "Vader" is out of the question now but would he get away with "Fist"?  I warned him that he'll be crying whilst pooing and stuff.

I recalled the story of when I was at junior school and we were on a trip to the falls.  I had been dying for a piss for what seemed hours and had been badgering the teacher to stop for ages, "We're nearly there now so you can wait", the teacher said.  Everyone knew that I was dying for a piss too because now I was making such a grand scene about it.  When the coach eventually stopped I got off and ran towards the fall ridden river.  Knowing that I was about to have a piss so did everyone else on the coach, they wanted to watch and jeer.  So I didn't stop at my earliest opportunity I just kept running, but so did everyone else.  Luckily I was ahead of everyone running as fast as I could in my grey trousers.  Even running at top speed doesn't prevent you from pissing yourself.  "Grey trousers!  Fuck, fuck, fuck", I thought as I began to piss myself and the piss began to show so evidently on my grey trousers.  There was no way that I was going to be ridiculed for the rest of my school time just because I pissed myself.  "Mickey Piss Pants", "The Flying Pisser" or just simply "Piss" were some of the nicknames I imagined being called if word got out of what had just happened.  So I flung myself into the river, jumped right in above my waist, grey trousers totally soaked leaving no evidence that I had just pissed myself.  Sorted, I was quite pleased with myself.

The day ended quite spectacularly weather wise.  I don't spend as much time as I would like to with Danny any more.

"The Big Waterfall thingy"

"DSon Panorama"

"Ingleborough"

"Yorkshire Man Walking"

"Sunset in Ingleton"