The 1972 Olympic Canoeing Course

When we started lockdown we had a little competition in the department to see who could provide the oldest photo of themselves sat in front of a computer. I don’t have many photos of myself before the age of 16 so wasn’t able to provide a photo of my old ZX81 (with 1Kb of memory), the best I could do was me sat in front of a word processor from a tour of Germany at RAF Gutersloh.

I think Gutersloh was my first time abroad with the Army. I was part of an Airfield Damage Repair Squadron and we had flown out on one of the loudest noises I had ever experienced in my life, a C-130 aircraft where you were handed ear defenders before being made to sit down in a cargo net. If you wanted to go to the toilet during the flight you had to do it in a bucket behind a curtain. I couldn’t hear properly for a few days afterwards.

I shared a room with a lad called Sass. I liked him but he did my fuckin head in some days. He had 2 music tapes, The Best of Barry White and Public Enemy’s ‘It takes a nation of millions’ and he played them constantly. They mysteriously vanished during that tour, Sass thought it was down to RAF Regiment blokes, it wasn’t!

It was during this tour where it became starkly obvious that the RAF get treated a little more favourably than the Army. At meal times in the Army we were used to eating whatever we were given, whereas their canteens had different areas, like a world buffet. They had Chinese food, Italian, Indian, English (for the philistines), American (burgers and that!) and a whole host of guest foods, and you could have as much as you wanted. They had fancy shops that sold all sorts, I remember looking enviously at an aviator’s watch which retailed at £150 but balking at the price.

One weekend 5 of us hired a large car to do a bit of sightseeing and we went to Cologne. We looked round Cologne cathedral, touched the Rhine and then went to a pub, feasting on currywurst, mayo and chips (my passion for chips and mayo remains). It all felt rather adventurous for a young man like me. That evening we had all drank way too much so we decided to sleep in the car, 2 in the front and 3 in the back. I’m a fussy sleeper and therefore found it very difficult to sleep. After an hour of unsuccessfully trying to sleep I gave up and thought I would have far more success sleeping in the boot. I did drop off to sleep but woke up 30 minutes later panicking and feeling way too claustrophobic. Once I escaped from the locked boot I tried to sleep on a picnic bench but instead watched rats scurry around all night instead.

As a special treat one week, our troop captain, a kayaking fanatic took us to Ausberg for a spot of kayaking (I’m sure it was called canoeing in the olden days!). I hated kayaking, it’s too cold and the chances of drowning are far higher than I find comfortable. However, this wasn’t any ordinary kind of kayaking, this was the purpose built kayaking course they made for the 1972 Munich Olympics. It was absolutely mental. I don’t even like kayaking in a British canal and this was like a British canal only going down the Matterhorn, absolutely effing mental! Anyway, I was having none of it. I got in the canoe and then just as I was about to descend the mountain I ejected myself from the vessel and went down the waterfall in just a life jacket. That was bad enough never mind being boxed into a big plastic thing.