How Heavy is a Tree?
A colleague of mine mentioned that his mother was having a tree felled and knowing that I have a wood burning stove asked if I would like the wood. I snapped at the opportunity. At this stage of the year we’re considering cutting up the furniture to keep us in wood so this would be an ideal opportunity to become a good little harvest mouse for next year’s wood.
Initially I was talking to Pete about helping to get it moved but was abruptly told by his daughter (my wife!) that he wouldn’t be helping due to him recovering from a snapped Achilles tendon. ‘No problem’ I thought, I’ll hire a van and do it myself, how hard can it be? I’ll take an axe just in case I need to split some logs.
I booked the van for Saturday and on the Friday as I was about to ring them to ask what would be the earliest time I could collect it Pete sent me a text saying ‘I’ll be round at yours in the morning with the van’. Dilemma!
I immediately rang him and said:
MC – What do you mean? Have you spoken to Kerry?
P – Michael, I’m a 50 year old man and I can do what I want.
MC – Really? You know I’m going to have to speak to her.
P – Don’t tell her, I’ll just turn up.
MC – Pete, it’s not going to happen. She’s the emperor from Star Wars or Sauron from Lord of the Rings. She’s ‘all seeing’ and can sense disruptions in the force, AND she’ll blame it on me!
P – Anyway, I’ll be up in the morning.
I immediately rang Sauron.
MC – Your Dads coming up in the morning in the van.
K – No he’s not.
MC – I’ve just spoken to him.
K – He can’t come up, he’s not allowed to drive.
MC – Right, you need to get this sorted right away because I need to know whether to cancel the van or stick with it.
K – Michael, you’re 47, you can do what you want.
MC – Right, so I’m cancelling the van and your Dad’s coming up in the morning.
K – No he’s not!
Anyway, we both got a text saying we were both pr*cks and Pete came up. And, thank JC he did. There must have been about 3 tonnes of tree. The axe would have simply bounced of the wood and even the Hulk would have struggled moving some of those pieces.
Last weekend I spent a day chain sawing and splitting. My body aches but I’m feeling like a good little harvest mouse. And, I’ve also ear marked 3 trees in our wood to fell and split.
And, before you start labelling me as some sort of tree felling maniac intent on raping the land with my tree felling ways, we are intending on planting 500 extra trees on our field!
Initially I was talking to Pete about helping to get it moved but was abruptly told by his daughter (my wife!) that he wouldn’t be helping due to him recovering from a snapped Achilles tendon. ‘No problem’ I thought, I’ll hire a van and do it myself, how hard can it be? I’ll take an axe just in case I need to split some logs.
I booked the van for Saturday and on the Friday as I was about to ring them to ask what would be the earliest time I could collect it Pete sent me a text saying ‘I’ll be round at yours in the morning with the van’. Dilemma!
I immediately rang him and said:
MC – What do you mean? Have you spoken to Kerry?
P – Michael, I’m a 50 year old man and I can do what I want.
MC – Really? You know I’m going to have to speak to her.
P – Don’t tell her, I’ll just turn up.
MC – Pete, it’s not going to happen. She’s the emperor from Star Wars or Sauron from Lord of the Rings. She’s ‘all seeing’ and can sense disruptions in the force, AND she’ll blame it on me!
P – Anyway, I’ll be up in the morning.
I immediately rang Sauron.
MC – Your Dads coming up in the morning in the van.
K – No he’s not.
MC – I’ve just spoken to him.
K – He can’t come up, he’s not allowed to drive.
MC – Right, you need to get this sorted right away because I need to know whether to cancel the van or stick with it.
K – Michael, you’re 47, you can do what you want.
MC – Right, so I’m cancelling the van and your Dad’s coming up in the morning.
K – No he’s not!
Anyway, we both got a text saying we were both pr*cks and Pete came up. And, thank JC he did. There must have been about 3 tonnes of tree. The axe would have simply bounced of the wood and even the Hulk would have struggled moving some of those pieces.
Last weekend I spent a day chain sawing and splitting. My body aches but I’m feeling like a good little harvest mouse. And, I’ve also ear marked 3 trees in our wood to fell and split.
And, before you start labelling me as some sort of tree felling maniac intent on raping the land with my tree felling ways, we are intending on planting 500 extra trees on our field!
Comments
Post a Comment